You learn something new every day...

A little dinner history lesson from JJ:

"The pilgrims sailed to America on the Mayflower. They had to pee off of the boat because there were no potties... And they ate a lot of biscuits because that was all there was to eat."

Sometimes I Just Feel Alone

There is a difference
Between being by yourself
And being alone

Sometimes I Don't Think At All

When I run away
You can probably catch me
If you just give chase

My Favorite Time Of the Year

Days are getting short.
There's a slight chill in the air.
It's time for sweatshirts!

Sometimes I feel like...

Marilyn Monroe:

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."


Audrey Hepburn:

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."

"Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you."

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows."


Mae West:

"A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love."

"I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far."

"Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art."

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."

"When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better."

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."

"An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises."

Now Where Do I Go From Here?

A tangled mess of
Hopes, fears, yearnings and feelings
Makes it hard to breathe

Not For Sail

During a recent trip to the water, JJ was amazed at a number of sailboats in a local marina. "Hey Mom," he shouted, "Look at all those Titanics!"

Happy Birthday, Mom!

It's my mom's birthday today. She's celebrating with her granddaughter. I'm pretty sure that was one of her wishes...

Happiness is...

Finding out that the three huge bushes in the back yard that you meant to - but just didn't make time to - hack earlier this spring are overflowing with big, juicy blueberries!

Marly is a crazy person.

I had salad today.


Actually, I didn't... but somebody out there knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Home, Sweet Home

Life's good!

I think he's on the right track...

The bedtime prayer I used to say when I was growing up, and have been saying with JJ for quite some time now:

Father in Heaven, hear my prayer.
Keep me in thy loving care.
Be my guide in all I do.
Bless all those who love me, too.
Amen


A recent interpretation from JJ, when I let him lead:

Dear God, thank you for this day.
Be my guide in all I do.
Give me special stuff.
And take care of my friends.
Amen

He's a good boy, my son.

About a month ago, I took JJ to a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning. Because I didn't pack him a lunch, JJ and I stopped by the grocery store after the appointment to grab something before I dropped him off at playschool. As soon as we entered the store, a clearance rack of Easter stuff caught JJ's eye. He immediately fell in love with a plush blue bunny, and had to have it. Even on my strict budget, it was easy to come up with the 60 cents to make it his.

So, with bunny in cart, JJ and I headed to the back of the store to see what we could find for his lunch that day. After settling on a pre-packaged lunch, we then proceeded to the checkout counter. And that's when JJ saw it... a ginormous tub of Utz's pretzel rods.

"Oh," exclaimed JJ, "My friends would love these!"

"I bet you're right, but you already have snacks at playschool, buddy," I reminded him, noting the slightly more than $6 price tag that definitely did not fit in my budget.

"I know Mom, but they would really, really love these! Can we get them? Please?"

"I tell you what," I tried, figuring that I could find a cheaper option, "Why don't we go to the next aisle and see if we can find a bag of pretzels for you to take in and share with your friends?"

"No, Mom. My friends would really love these, and I really want to get them for them," he calmly pleaded.

In a dash of desperation, I picked up the blue bunny that JJ had been coddling. "Which would you rather have: the blue bunny for you, or the pretzel rods for your friends?"

JJ looked at that bunny. He looked at the tub of pretzels. And then he slowly handed me the bunny. "Mom, I want to get the pretzels to share with my friends."



In that instant, I would have paid $100 for that tub of pretzels.

And you know that bunny was waiting in the car for him when playschool was over.

Happy Birthday to My Friend

Only true friendship
Transcends both time and distance
We are living proof

A Word From the Lost

Bang! And one of the major rock formations that helped shape the swirling, winding river that is my life... is gone. In time, the ever-flowing waters will smooth over the jagged edges that are left behind, but the bend in the course will remain. And I will always remember. Always.

**********

My parents bought their house right before I was born. Nearly forty years later, they still live there. When I was three, the Merrill family moved in three houses up and across the street. Although the children are grown, their parents still live there as well. Cole Merrill is three weeks older than I am, and we were raised as practically siblings. His family was my family, and vice-versa. We've all always been close - our moms, both teachers, are best friends, and we even used to all vacation together. Cole has a younger brother, but I was always the girl they never had. Of course, that all changed a month ago, when Cole and his wife Natalie welcomed their beautiful baby girl, Vivian Grace, into the world...

Bang! Cole's mom, Mary Jane Merrill, was killed in a car wreck Monday.

I got the news on Tuesday, and I'm still in shock. This isn't the way things are supposed to happen. She wasn't sick, or doing anything detrimental to her health or well-being. She wasn't a bad person. So far from it, in fact, that the most common thing said about Mary Jane is, "She is the nicest person I've ever known." A special education teacher for over 30 years, and active in her church and a number of service organizations, Mary Jane was constantly working to make the world a better place. So... why?

I don't know. And I don't suspect I ever will. But I do know that I thank God for getting me back to Kansas City over the New Year's holiday, and giving me a short while to visit with Mary Jane while I was there. I can still see her face and hear her voice. No longer just a memory, it is now a memory I cherish.

And I know that the next time I do something great - be it a simple random act of kindness, or something that truly changes the world - Mary Jane will be there. In my head, and in my heart... with me, always.

Pain, With Instructions

This is a post I've been putting off for a long time, though I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it's because I feel like it's an admission of a huge failure - although, if you read back through my blog, you'll find that I'm not terribly shy about admitting my shortcomings. Perhaps it's because I don't feel comfortable explaining everything - which is why I won't, even though the lack of explanation on my part has proven to lead to occasional ridicule. Or, perhaps it is simply because there is just no easy or funny way to say it...

John and I are splitting up. More accurately, John and I split up in October, when I chose to remove JJ and myself from our home. We are pursuing a legal divorce, and maintaining joint custody of JJ.


That being said...

Please do not offer apologies. I chose to do what I feel is right for my son and I. It was not a decision I made lightly, but it was my decision.

Please do not make accusations. You do not know what happened. Very, very few people know even part of both sides of the story. I doubt anyone knows all of both sides.

Please do be considerate of our privacy in this matter. A telephone call is very different than a public forum.

Please do keep us in your prayers. Knowing that it is the right decision does not make it easy.

Look what I did today!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

When "sad" just doesn't cut it.

JJ and I pulled out an ocean-themed book about opposites last night. JJ is pretty good at 'reading' it.

On one page was an open oyster with a little pearl inside. JJ immediately said "Open". On the following page was a closed oyster shell. JJ proclaimed, "Closed".

The next page had a fish with a big smile on his face. JJ correctly called it "Happy". And the following page had a fish with a sad frown on his face. What did JJ say?

"Miserable."