Let's fast-forward about 17 years (only 17 years?), and let me throw a hypothetical situation at you:
JJ has been accepted to a college about an hour away from home, where he is going to live in a dormitory on campus. He will certainly miss home, and we will definitely miss him. So, in an effort to make the transition easier for everyone, John and I have decided to rent a room and stay on campus with JJ for his first week at college.
Honestly... no holds barred... what do you think?
The End
13 years ago
19 comments:
I say..... think about it. Give it a week or two (or ten years) and you may feel differently. However, I have only five years before my sweet girl heads off and although she'll be rarin' to go, I think I might follow. Poor girl.
I also say think about it. I don't think that he will need you to be there. Susan will be going away too in July and as much as I want to go, I think that I it is best for her/him to go and experience being an adult by themselves. We raised them and taught them well and I am sure they will be fine. I think going up there and staying the first week, is more for us than it is for them.
I think I would've chosen a different college without telling my parents, and then I'd keep switching colleges each semester, lol.
I think that unless you want him labeled a Momma's Boy, have the you know what beat out of him, to not have any friends during his time in college, and for him to build a growing resentment towards you, you should leave when all the other parents leave.
He is only 1hr away and he'll come visit when he is ready to.
At 18 it's time to cut the apron strings and let him grow from a boy into a man.
I'll be there with a pitcher of Margaritas to help your transition ;-)
Sorry Marly, I'm with the other commentors. I think you should let him go. Unless he calls and needs you or something.
I'll bring the vodka, we'll hang while we cry.
Time to cut the umbilical cord... college is a big step, but so is marriage and honeymoons. Are you going to join him on those occasions as well? He'll be a big boy and appreciate finding his way without having to worry about looking like a momma's boy to his new classmates. Make a hotel reservation in town for the night you drop him off, then leave the next day once he is settled. He'll appreciate this gesture more than you know!
I have blogged before about not wanting my children (especially my boys) to grow up. I have, in fact, said that I will probably cry at their weddings--and not out of joy but out of sadness and loss. And oh how those feelings are real and raw and painful. But I say those things with shame because I now that I do not want to keep them little for their own sake but totally for mine.
The idea that these precious small people will grow into men, independent, strong men who will not only leave my home but, ultimately Love another woman more than me--that, that just breaks my heart. That knowledge is sometimes to much for my little body to bear and even though my boys are small I have been known to weep at the prospect of their growing up and going away.
But no matter how hard it will be, it will still be. They WILL grow up, and I will not be able to follow them to college, and I will not be the one they turn to when they need guidance or comfort. And as my heart breaks it will heal. I will be comforted in the knowledge that I have raised men who can take on the world with me holding their hands.
Staying at home when I want to be there for them will be hard. Having raised boys who needed me to always be there for them would be harder still.
Last paragraph, last line should read "WITHOUT me holding their hands"
Actually that would be the second to last paragragh (I don't know how to edit my original comment)
my kids dont even want me to walk them to class anymore....lol. as much as i would want to, there is no way i would follow my child to college. of course unless you want a child who would develop some major issues and probably would end up hating women and turning into some serial killer or something....lol. let him go, im sure he will be fine!
I agree w/ meliss ... make a reservation for ONE night, make sure he's all settled, and leave.
You need to deal w/ the sadness of letting them go on your own, and not bring your son down at such an important, and proud moment for him. And if he's only an hour away - that's not a big deal at all - he'll be able to visit when he wants to, and he'll be able to invite you to visit when he wants to (keyword INVITE).
Find support on dealing w/ letting go OUTSIDE of this situation, as I'm afraid your son may get very upset if you do this, and the last thing you want is for him to stop speaking to you or to push him away.
You might be pleasantly surprised by just how much you enjoy not having him around after he leaves....Does that sound harsh? After both my brother & I left my parent's house, they (of course) missed us, but also learned how to enjoy each other again w/o having kids around.
Luckily, you have some time to change your mind. {{HUGS}}
You know, originally I assumed you were kidding considering you love your little cutie so much.... but on the off chance you're serious I'm going to have to be a little more honest.
ARE YOU SMOKIN' DOPE??!?
Sheesh, let the poor boy be. With boys especially, I would follow his lead. If he asks for you to accompany him then by all means do it. Otherwise, leave him alone! I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than having my mommy hold my hand for the first entire week, and to wipe my nose in front of my professors, and to burp me in the cafeteria next to the table with really hot girls. I'm SOOOO not kidding.
It sounds to me that if you're willing to do this then you're completely SELFISH. Who likes that in a mom? Yech! Bleh! Ugh!! You've really gotten my tail feathers ruffled here, Marly. I'm sure you're a decent person with good intentions, but JJ will NOT want that kind of stigma to follow him throughout his very important years as a student. He'd never live it down. He'll always be "that kid." Is that what you really want for him? Or do you want him to grow to be an independent soul who can tackle hard things without "mommy" to swoop in and take care of things?
Think hard on this one. Showing love to your son will be most evident in letting him spread his wings.... you can't do it for him forever.
Good luck. Remember to email me in 16+ years to see if I've changed my mind. I WON'T!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck, JJ. Call me if you need help cutting the cord. I'll rush to you in a heartbeat, cut them, and send you on your way (while sitting on your mother until you've gained enough ground).
I think I would have crawled under a rock and died if my parents did that to me my first year in college.....just died!
I'd be for it if you said he was going to a college 14 hours from home.. Less than 3 hours gets a huge no..unless the reason you are going is to go to keggers w/ him. 14 hours..lets say 5 states away, I'm OK w/ that...
Less than an hour away or even 3 hours he can come home every weekend..IF HE WANTS TO :-)
OK, Aunt stepping in here. You will NOT do such a thing to MY nephew. I will be there to either get you drunker than skunks, or I will be there helping Kjae hold you down so JJ can get a head start. On the other hand, I may need you here to get me drunk when YOUR niece goes off to college but you will NOT have to sit on me. Don't worry JJ, Aunt Nikki is here!
Hi, I'm Audrey. I'm finally getting a chance to read all of the blogs from the bloggy carnival and loving what I'm finding.
I'm just willing to bet that when that time comes, you'll feel just a tad differently. I think the teenage years is to prepare us for them leaving for college :)
The only way it will be "cool" to JJ is if dad lets his hair go back to its natural state -- mohawk-- and you both show on the harleys. But then you run the risk of being cooler than your kid and that may backfire. But the kegger will be great, count me in. The next night it will be in Oli's room because she will only be slightly ahead of JJ in school.
:) elbe
And I am worried about the "face off" that I am having with my thirteen year old about me driving her to her first day of school instead of letting her take the bus.
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